Trigger warning: This story discusses sexual assault and suicide. It also contains spoilers for "American Crime."
When this week's episode of "American Crime" finished, my jaw dropped to the floor. It was that kind of week. With Taylor Blaine back at Thurgood Marshall High School (where his girlfriend Evy also attends), there is an added focus on the developing storylines around that school pertaining to race and politics, but the primary concentration remains on figuring out what happened at the Captains' Party.
And we finally get some answers.
Sort of. OK, not really, but we learn some important context.
To explain, let's go back to Eric Tanner. The big reveal this week are the text messages between Taylor and Eric that showed intent for consensual sex. To be clear, that does not mean that Taylor couldn't have been raped simply because he planned to sleep/hookup with Eric. What is important about these messages is less about what they mean for the dynamic at the party, and more about the fact that Eric and Taylor are not straight.
Early in the episode, the Leyland School basketball Coach Dan Sullivan confronts his team about them lying to him, sharing the information about the new DNA evidence found by police. Eric immediately starts to panic when Coach tells them that the police will be collecting DNA evidence from each of them. He remains quiet, but it is clear that Eric is freaking out.
Eric then starts to go down a dangerous spiral. He overhears his parents talking about their inability to get a lawyer. He has a moment with his brother when he fantasizes about getting out of Indianapolis, leaving all the hard stuff behind, and taking off to Miami for easier times filled with hot girls and booze. Eric smirks as his brother shares these things, but it is clear that he is also confronting his internal denial about his sexuality. He responds bitterly, "I can't." Then, Eric grabs a beer, goes to the bathroom, stares at himself in the mirror, then attempts to overdose on prescription drugs.
To see how Eric found himself in front of that mirror, it is essential to understand how he sees himself and his sexuality. He is deeply afraid, and that fear is mostly about loss.
In each conversation between Eric and his brother, his brother expresses envy and desire to go to the Leyland School. That envy is shown through basketball. "At least you have basketball," his brother says. Eric, however, seems to think that playing basketball and being gay are mutually exclusive. And without basketball, he sees his brother as the looking glass into the life he would have.
When Coach Sullivan asks Eric why he didn't reach out for help, Eric says, "Then everyone would know I'm gay." He feels ashamed, scared and stuck.
Eric has every reason to be scared. Being gay in Indiana is tough, even for fictional characters. In real life, it's even tougher. Indiana is a state that lost an estimated $60 million in tourism last year due to the debacle of the Restoration of Religious Freedom Act -- a law that many saw as being a license to discriminate against LGBT people. That same state legislature began hearing testimony January 27 on three new bills, all of which pro-LGBT advocates say are damaging to their communities.
I grew up in Indiana, and I delayed coming out to my parents for months, even though they gave me no indication that they would ever reject me because of my sexuality. They worked hard to stamp out the homophobic language I picked up on the playground from years of playing "smear the queer" with the boys. I came home saying "that's so gay" and "f-g," not understanding the meaning of those words, and earning an earful from my father.
I internalized that homophobia to my own detriment in an environment in which my parents consistently attempted to be welcoming, so I can only imagine what Eric had gone through with his homophobia and misogyny having been affirmed throughout his life.
When I wrote about Eric for Episode 2, I noted that he performs masculinity, and I think this episode only emphasizes that. Eric's internalized fear has made him angry, which we see as he chokes his brother in a panicked attempt to recover his phone with the text messages on them. He seems to have a quick fuse that can be ignited by fear, which I think will be hugely important moving forward.
We still don't know what happened between Eric and Taylor; we just have more context. When Taylor's mother, Anne, asks him if he went to the party to sleep with Eric, Taylor says, "I didn't ask to be attacked," and we can't forget that.
Lines That Haunt Me
"He wanted it." -- Eric Tanner
"This is the truth people need to believe" -- Leslie Graham
Catch new episodes of "American Crime" on Wednesdays at 10 p.m. ET on ABC.
Katie Barnes is a digital media associate at ESPN. Follow them on Twitter at Katie_Barnes3.