'Twas the night before Christmas, 2021,
The gifts were all wrapped and the carols all sung.
All that remained was to put down in rhyme,
A year that was equal parts tough and sublime.
We got back into stadiums -- thanks to vaccines --
Got on planes, went to concerts, squeezed back into our jeans.
We still masked up and tested, ensured our compliance,
But things felt more normal. Thank you, science!
Pre-vax was all sourdough, puzzles and Zooms,
"Tiger King," Verzuz, and folks rating rooms.
Scrolling pics on the 'gram in lieu of vacation.
Burn out, depression, The Great Resignation.
But the shot got us thinking we might be OK,
Our good times not canceled, just really delayed.
And just like in life, things in sports might be strange,
We'd have to adjust, and be OK with change.
A sure lockout in baseball, Coach K to retire,
These new NIL deals -- college athletes for hire!
Oklahoma and Texas to the S-E-C,
Lionel Messi to P-S-G.
Staples is suddenly Crypto.com,
And what the hell's cheugy? I feel like my mom.
But I've gotten ahead of the story, I fear.
Let's start at the top -- the first of the year.
The CFP semis, Bama beat Notre Dame,
In what was the Rose Bowl -- but only by name.
Cali's COVID restrictions engendered some friction,
And eventually led to a Rose Bowl eviction...
...to Texas! Arlington, to be specific,
Bama's #1 offense proved quite prolific.
The Sugar Bowl next, Dabo taking on Day,
The Buckeyes prevailed -- Justin Fields led the way.
So the Natty would be OSU and the Tide,
A future first-rounder would QB each side.
DeVonta and Mac would combine for a ring,
Seven titles for Saban, undisputed king.
In the pros this year 14 teams made the postseason,
Yet somehow the Patriots still couldn't squeeze in.
The Browns and the Bucs ended postseason droughts,
While the 8-8 Bears should've sat this one out.
They lost to the Saints -- got majorly slimed,
Trubisky's NVP the first of its kind.
Brady and the Bucs beat Dan Snyder's guys,
The Ravens the cause of the Titans' demise.
Bills took a lead and held Indy off,
Rams beat Seattle with a hobbled Goff.
Steelers lost to the Browns, who had no head coach,
Four picks for Big Ben -- the end doth approach.
In the next round the Rams came up short in Green Bay,
Bills beat the Ravens -- their D led the way.
Goodbye to Drew Brees, who threw too many ducks,
In his very last game, the Saints lost to the Bucs.
The Chiefs beat the Browns -- somehow, some way,
Hennething Is Possible, we learned that day.
In a week it was Buffalo's season they ended,
KC's reign as the AFC's best was extended.
The Bucs beat the Pack despite three Brady picks,
Their D down the stretch handled A-A-Ron's tricks.
A field goal? The Packers fans must've been sick!
Guy on Jeopardy later, "Who wanted to kick?"
The Super Bowl set -- the Chiefs were the faves,
"Mahomes can't be stopped" all the media raved.
"Let's not dwell on the KC O-line that's in tatters,
And COVID means home-field advantage won't matter."
But that small little crowd, mostly doctors and nurses,
Could probably hear all of Pat Mahomes' curses!
The offense was stunted, protection a laugh,
Looked as lost as The Weeknd performing at half.
So the Bucs got the win, the first winners at home,
Like the Grinch's heart, so grew Tom Brady's big dome.
More records, more rings, there's no doubt he's the GOAT,
Got so drunk, threw the trophy from a muthaf***ing boat.
But the best of the Bowl was the staff in the Bay,
Black, white, female and male. Young, old, straight and gay.
(You might find that last line a bit trite or frustrating,
But they proved it's a formula worth imitating.)
Speaking of that, remember March Madness?
Sedona Prince TikToks inspired great sadness.
The weight room! The meals! The swag bags and more!
Inequality far too pronounced to ignore.
NC-double-A tried, but excuses were lame,
Decades of misogyny had held back the game.
Investment, respect -- give these women their due,
And for pete's sake let 'em use the phrase "March Madness," too.
On the court ball was good, like it always is,
Paige Bueckers a star, at hoops and in biz,
But Zona the team that advanced when they met,
Aari McDonald -- certified triple threat.
Stanford the killer of the Gamecocks' run,
For Dawn Staley a second semi beat by just one.
It was Wildcats/Cardinal to see which was greater,
Stanford won, Tara tops again all these years later.
March Madness for men was a dizzying show,
Upset here, upset there, look at Oral Roberts go!
For the Zags v. the Bruins Jalen Suggs was the hero,
Hit the game-winning shot as the clock hit zero.
Other semi saw Baylor beat Houston with ease,
Shot the lights out all night -- drained 11 3s.
In the final 'twas Baylor that proved to be stronger,
Bears won! Gonzaga unbeaten no longer.
At the Masters -- history! The first Asian-born winner.
Matsuyama said sushi next year for Champs Dinner.
At the PGA Mickelson repped for old folks,
Oldest ever major winner, beat the field by 2 strokes.
On the women's side Jin Young Ko won five times,
But all eyes were on Nelly Korda's meteoric climb.
No. 1 in the world and gold at the Games,
All of a sudden, one of golf's biggest names.
10 players from Bama would go in the draft,
Like quarterback Jones to the Pats and R. Kraft.
Lawrence went 1, then Wilson and Lance,
When the Bears got J. Fields, I near peed my pants.
In softball the Sooners and Noles hit the field,
Giselle Juarez, a big OU victory she sealed.
The longest World Series, by days and by games,
After outcry from many, an approved format change.
At the French, no Osaka -- withdrew from the tourney,
Wanted to focus on her mental health journey.
Novak and Barty were Wimbledon's best,
Leylah v. Emma in a US Open quest.
Realignments and rule changes -- hockey was weird.
But when playoffs arrived the buzz reappeared.
Montreal in the finals after decades of tears!
But the Lightning too good -- champs in back-to-back years.
In the NBA, Jokic was league MVP,
And the Brooklyn Nets boasted the new Big Three,
Knicks back in the playoffs, Griz and Hawks made the trip,
After 28 years, Suns were back in the 'ship.
CP3 vs. Giannis in the seven-game series,
Giannis was open to all postgame queries,
Talked ego, the present, the past and humility,
How your mindset predicts your in-game ability.
That focus and attitude served him quite well,
When they got down 0-2, he answered the bell.
Four straight wins for the Bucks and the title to claim,
Fifty-burger for Giannis in the ring-clinching game.
Then came the Olympics, a last-minute call,
For a while didn't know if there'd be Games at all.
But they pressed on and played, despite protests aplenty.
And the whole time the logos still said 2020.
McLaughlin was epic, the A-Team insane,
Lamont the ... Italian? Yep, that was his name.
Skateboarding, 3x3, surfing debuted,
Allyson Felix, more medals accrued.
3 a.m. soccer through coffee and yawns,
U.S. took home "rose gold" -- (aka bronze).
Ledecky still GOAT, and Dressel was great,
Women's hoops won again -- yeah, that's 7 straight.
The twisties hit Biles and upset her bid,
But gold couldn't do what her honesty did.
Like Osaka before her, Simone did what's right,
Calling out mental health, showing others a light.
Suni Lee saw a chance and stepped up in her place,
Won the all-around -- did it with style and with grace.
At the Paras, McFadden and Long crushed their races,
More medals to add to their stuffed trophy cases.
In the W, quite a hot start for the Sun,
Ionescu and Laney made the Liberty fun,
Seattle looked strong -- a Commish Cup win,
The Aces were among the league's best once again.
At the end of it all, it was Mercury-Sky,
Parker brought a title to her hometown Chi.
A broken door the outcome of an angry DT,
Kahleah F'in' Copper won the MVP.
To Major League Baseball, where tensions were brewing,
Over CBA issues, both sides started stewing.
But despite that, a season they needed to play,
And a new home would be found for Canada's Jays.
The All-Star Game moved -- Coors Field got the nod,
Cleveland announced a new name for its squad.
Field of Dreams game a hit, Tim's walk-off a WOW!
Substances checks had some guys dropping trou.
Shohei was magic, Bryce was a star,
Salvy and Vlad hit the ball really far.
America cheered as Atlanta prevailed,
Fair or not, they all wanted the "Trashtros" to fail.
OT win for the Spirit in the NWSL,
Finals loss? Red Stars know it All Too Well.
The only solution? A no bones day,
The couch and Ted Lasso to chase pain away.
A super-sized season for football this year,
More Red Zone, more tailgates, more wings and more beer!
And I guess in the case of Detroit's football team,
A chance to be first to go 0-and-17?
As the season rolls on, lots of teams in the hunt,
Not you, Jags and Lions, your whole year was a punt.
Like, a kick. Urban, you know what that looks like,
Looks like kicking the kicker was your literal last strike.
Who will make it to SoFi? Still too early to tell,
Rams, Cowboys and Cards have been playing quite well.
I know Brady is balling, Mac Jones too,
Rodgers a big shot -- Would I lie to you?
But the stars might be sidelined, as COVID hits hard,
Not enough testing? People let down their guard?
In the NBA, too, COVID lists start to grow,
How many postponements? It's too soon to know.
Games pushed back in hockey -- it's hitting there too,
Sports mirroring life, but we try to push through.
In the meantime, we watch as Steph adds to his lore,
The Garden crowd roaring for 2-9-7-4.
LeBron and the Lakers a scuffling start,
The Bulls are back, baby, and playing with heart.
No vax for Kyrie -- not allowed in the gym,
Made a global pandemic somehow about him.
He wasn't the only one facing bad press,
The Tiger Woods crash aftermath was a mess.
The non-dunk from Simmons, Kelly's LSU drawl,
Bob Baffert's cheating, END HORSE RACING, y'all.
Bauer and Watson, Gruden and Ruggs,
Sha'Carri's star turn interrupted by drugs.
Snyder the focus of WashPo reporting,
NFL, please explain why he's worth still supporting?
There will always be bad guys who do bad-guy things,
Who cheat and who lie in pursuit of a ring.
But no matter how trying, when push comes to shove,
We can't let the worst of us spoil what we love.
Sports can inspire, good deeds they enable,
Just look at Bills Mafia! (But hide all your tables).
The good will persist, of that I've no doubt,
And on that happy note, let's close this thing out.
CFP faves changed with each loss and win,
With no sure thing 'cept Saban would somehow get in.
So we'll close out the year with the Bowls -- Orange and Cotton.
Grateful a Group of 5 team finally got in.
Yes, Cincy the team hoping they can take down,
The squad that most recently put on the crown.
Georgia intends to avoid a defeat,
To the khaki-clad man who escaped the hot seat.
They'll usher us into a year that's brand-new,
And who knows what we'll get in 2022?
Maybe we skip all the New Year's Eve cheer?
Throw a party in June if it's a half-decent year?
Just wanna be cautious. You just never know,
To be fair, we're in a two-year-long total s*&% show.
But at least we've got boosters -- that's a win.
And it always feels hopeful when a new year begins.
So I'll try to stay positive. I'll put on a smile!
Pour a shot of Malort, grab a can of Old Style.
Chicago Handshake for me, milk & cookies for you,
Merry Christmas, Santa! Bring it on, '22.